11.30.09

What is it? What did I do? I'm confused. These are the words i've asked myself many times. Yet, it can never be truely answered. I always have problems and I always manage to find ways to identify them. Though only a few can be solved yet... there are still many that I cannot solve. I'm inconsiderate, insensitive, foolish, and stupid. Though I try very hard to prevent being inconsiderate, insensitive, foolish, and stupid it always ends up happening. It happens so many times and yet I failed to reckognize them quick enough. I dont mean it. I dont mean any of them. I'm not trying to be heartless. But, i'm guilty of all of them. When I try explaining as to why I did it. It so happens to be an excuse. I'm not trying to deny them. I'm not trying to do anything. When i'm guilty of my own action, I silence myself. Why is it that I can't change those crucial personality that people despise? I'm only human. I'm flawwed. So are many.

Every time when I talk to people I feel like they might understand me. They might know what kind of person I am. But, as the saying goes "no one knows better than you but only you". I really wish someone can actually understand in and out of me. No matter how many times I tell them about myself they all seem to misunderstand crucial things I wanted them to focus on. I despise being misunderstood. But I am sure everyone feels the same way as well.

What is it that makes people understand who you are. Is it simply just talking about yourself so that the person who's listening can understand? I always thought that in order to have people believe in you is to practice what you really say and not contradict yourself. I try that yet it seems like im still being misunderstood. But, you can't win against majority of what people see in you. Though I dont particularly believe in them but if I deny them... it'll only cause more problems. I want to make this right. So that they wont be disappointed in me. I've already done so already. I won't stand another disappointment nor will I fail to lose people whome I do care so much for. What am I doing wrong...

Everyday I talk to people
About the kind of person I am.
I'm here to give a hand,
To those who have no freinds.

I want to bring light,
To protect and fight. (for them)
No matter who you are,
We'll always be tight.

But, no matter what I do
I can't seem to understand.
Why am I the one
Who ends up getting mistaken

Am I too ambitious?
Or am I vicious...
What makes me the villain
When im being the hero

Im here to give a hand
To those who have no freinds
Making you laugh
While your being sad

Sacrificing my own
To give you what you need.
Yet, I'm mistaken
For things I've given.

What makes me the villain
When im trying to be the hero?
Maybe I shouldn't.
Instead I should.

I know I am flawed
But I never knew i would be called
Someone who was fake
Am I really that hate(d)?

I said hello.
I gave you my hand
And became your friend.
Yet, I am mistaken

I explain myself.
For the problems i've caused
ignorant i am
Of my own

Just tell me what's wrong
So i can undo my wrongs
Make things right
So I can become the light.

We're still freinds
Despite I am flawed
I wont give up
Because i will give you my hand
So that we become freinds(once more)



P.S Oh look i've made yet another depressing blog Haha-shrugs- i guess this is all i can write about. HAHA Oh man i need to stop being pessimistic.

8:32 AM