11.30.09

What is it? What did I do? I'm confused. These are the words i've asked myself many times. Yet, it can never be truely answered. I always have problems and I always manage to find ways to identify them. Though only a few can be solved yet... there are still many that I cannot solve. I'm inconsiderate, insensitive, foolish, and stupid. Though I try very hard to prevent being inconsiderate, insensitive, foolish, and stupid it always ends up happening. It happens so many times and yet I failed to reckognize them quick enough. I dont mean it. I dont mean any of them. I'm not trying to be heartless. But, i'm guilty of all of them. When I try explaining as to why I did it. It so happens to be an excuse. I'm not trying to deny them. I'm not trying to do anything. When i'm guilty of my own action, I silence myself. Why is it that I can't change those crucial personality that people despise? I'm only human. I'm flawwed. So are many.

Every time when I talk to people I feel like they might understand me. They might know what kind of person I am. But, as the saying goes "no one knows better than you but only you". I really wish someone can actually understand in and out of me. No matter how many times I tell them about myself they all seem to misunderstand crucial things I wanted them to focus on. I despise being misunderstood. But I am sure everyone feels the same way as well.

What is it that makes people understand who you are. Is it simply just talking about yourself so that the person who's listening can understand? I always thought that in order to have people believe in you is to practice what you really say and not contradict yourself. I try that yet it seems like im still being misunderstood. But, you can't win against majority of what people see in you. Though I dont particularly believe in them but if I deny them... it'll only cause more problems. I want to make this right. So that they wont be disappointed in me. I've already done so already. I won't stand another disappointment nor will I fail to lose people whome I do care so much for. What am I doing wrong...

Everyday I talk to people
About the kind of person I am.
I'm here to give a hand,
To those who have no freinds.

I want to bring light,
To protect and fight. (for them)
No matter who you are,
We'll always be tight.

But, no matter what I do
I can't seem to understand.
Why am I the one
Who ends up getting mistaken

Am I too ambitious?
Or am I vicious...
What makes me the villain
When im being the hero

Im here to give a hand
To those who have no freinds
Making you laugh
While your being sad

Sacrificing my own
To give you what you need.
Yet, I'm mistaken
For things I've given.

What makes me the villain
When im trying to be the hero?
Maybe I shouldn't.
Instead I should.

I know I am flawed
But I never knew i would be called
Someone who was fake
Am I really that hate(d)?

I said hello.
I gave you my hand
And became your friend.
Yet, I am mistaken

I explain myself.
For the problems i've caused
ignorant i am
Of my own

Just tell me what's wrong
So i can undo my wrongs
Make things right
So I can become the light.

We're still freinds
Despite I am flawed
I wont give up
Because i will give you my hand
So that we become freinds(once more)



P.S Oh look i've made yet another depressing blog Haha-shrugs- i guess this is all i can write about. HAHA Oh man i need to stop being pessimistic.

8:32 AM

11.24.09

So, why is it that everytime I really want something I can never obtain it. No matter how hard I persist for my own happiness it seems to backfire. No matter how much good deeds i've done, I can never recieve enjoyment of my own. What am I missing? I'm not being selfish I try avoiding that at all cost. I sacrifice my own happiness for others yet when I am being selfish I can't be happy. I wonder if this is a curse. It seems like my dead father seem to be that way too. I wonder if i'm like that.

What reasons why I pursue happiness when I know I can't be happy at all. How come I can't be satisfied except only when im satisfying others. What is it that I am missing. Why is that I try to not be insensitive I do it anyways. And when others are insensitive to me I dont feel p.o as much. Man this is annoying...

In any case, I hate my life and still wish for someone to just end it for me hmm maybe because of that thought i'm always cursed. Ha. Man this blog is depressing. I should really do something to make it optimistic at least... oh well. i'll write something else later.

9:50 AM

Well now 11.12.09

Procastination is one of the worst habit to have and by far one of the most hardest. I've 5 assignment due tommorow... Now how the HELL am I going to finish them all. It's already 3:21 pm AND IV"E DONE NOTHING so far... Someone kill me now x.x'''' Ugh, I hate the fact that i'm neglecting my assignments and I do not want to fail my classes yet... ugh I need to find a way to stop being a procastinator. Sigh... I need to organize my priority or else i'm fucked... Oh well i'm quite the joke aren't I. In any case, lately i've been feeling empty. I feel like all my happiness but sucked away and all i've been doing is ruining myself once more. I wonder if i'm ever going to get through. Man, I am such a fool. Hmmm so far my blogs been nothing but pessimistic things so far oh well. Ah man i can't figure out anything i want to do... I really need to do something about this. I can't just leave everything as it is. Yet, I feel like part of me is stopping me from whatever i want to do.

For those of you who're reading, you will be confused. Everything I talk about are vague and wierd. I'd be quite surprised if you manage to understand what I'm going through but then again everyone goes through this so its not as surprising. Eh... FML

12:20 PM

11.10.09

So a few days ago i officially broke up with my girlfriend Teresa. Though... I did explained to her everything and I had put all the blame upon myself and I felt I could not make her happy any longer than she had felt. Somehow the conversation ended up as an argument again and i'm being blamed for not putting enough effort, sacrificial, and showing that I don't love her. Which I kinda pissed me off because one, I was willing to leave all my freinds behind and make her happy. I offered that five times to her and all five time she didn't want to because i'll be "lonely" and i'm like... "but i'll have you and that's all I need..." So yeah... two is that i've always ranted to people and showed them how much I loved her but I needed help with my situation when I clearly tried every single way of figuring out what to do with her and to make her happy. Third, I have freinds, family, her, and school to take care of. All she has is me and school. She believe that her family doesn't care about her. Which I dont believe is true because she neglects them and not have dinners with them and hang out with them. So iono that kinda pissed me off. Anyways there are also more things to talk about but I do not want to get into. Talking about this pisses me off but I don't know... I need to express my anger of a failure life I have. Why is it that everytime I want to care for someone very much I end up hurting them. None of them see how hard I try and I try multitasking to everything I can. I hate ignorance... sigh. FML

On the positive side, i'm single harharharhar. So... i guess i kinda feel more relaxed like the weight is a lot less than before so yeah haha. Also, i've been hearing some stuff in audi about the fam Excelsior being labeled the same thing as biohazard, prestige, etc etc about being fb whores... One thing, we dont plan on stealing fp. 2nd thing, we play fb to have fun and have our other opponents to have fun as well or so that's the goal point. 3rd thing, we fb fairly as much as possible though im starting to realize my fam's been getting carried away taking away over 20+ fp which I need to talk to them about. In any case, it seems like most of the fam i know dislike losing a lot of fam so I'm already trying to have my fam miss cfm and fm on purpose so that the gap wouldn't be so huge.

8:57 AM

Oh look at me i've a blog

Hi~ The' names Richie or you may call me Duong, my viet name.
I'm completly new to this blog but i'm sure i'll have SOMETHING to talk about here. In any case... what to talk about... Oh, right. I've a job interview at Gamestop BUT BUT there's this store that i want to work in called Aeropostal and i already had the interview there but, im waiting on the call from them D:.iono whatever pays me more but then again... In Aeropostal there are many beutiful women @_@... and and there's this one particular girl that I got my eye's on as well harharhar. Ofc knowing me i'll just tell how i feel about her randomly and then run off because i expect rejection WAHAHAHA. Anyways... now onto about my life rant.

So, i live in a animelistic situation. I live in a harem. Thus far I live in an apartment with two cousin whome are 18 and 26 and my aunt... In my university all my freinds are nothing but women. And lastly, if i get into aeropostal i'll be once more be put into a work with women dominance. Thing is I DONT WANT A HAREM BECAUSE ALL THESE WOMEN SO FAR ARE USING ME FOR THEIR WORK PILE . AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Anyways... yeah. In my apartment, they always try to keep me on work hince why sometimes when im playing a game im always afk randomly. Also, they make me do dishes, vacuum, clean tables, fix t.v, fix any other broken appliances, take out trash, carry heavy lifting, moving furniture, and etc etc... i'm being slaved away someone save me! (well, those chores are kinda normal to me back home but still haha just being overdramatic for fun because ;3 the goal here is to make you laugh not to be sympathetic... well maybe a bit)

Anyways yeah :D Hi my name is richie.

9:28 AM