Something I can wish for.

Y'know the problem with me is that underneath everything. I'm really selfish. Even though I try and do things for everyone. I'm selfish.
Honestly, I don't believe that im' great. Because if I was, i wouldn't have this feeling of pain in my heart.
Even though I try to win someone's heart, It all ends in pain. In the end i'm being told your really a great person. Well, if i was so great why can't I have you?
Although, I know im foolish and ambitious and perhaps I should lower it down a notch. I still want to achieve my goals.
I hate the fact that i'm vague and I can't express myself clearly to anyone. I'm selective and the person I want to talk to is the person I love. Because i want to share everything about me to that one person.
No one hardly realize that i'm really in pain underneath my smile. I'm great at lieing to myself. Because in the end, i'm always hurting myself over something stupid.
When I find someone I like, I will strive for everything I can for this person. But, when im struck down. I can't seem to move on for a while unless I punish myself mentally to move on. Because of that I feel very stupid.
All I want is a simple Love to solve every issue that I have with myself. I want a love so that I can believe in something. But, i'm just being foolish and desperate.
Even though im telling everything on this blog. In the end, nothing will really help.
If I love someone, I bet that i can write a several pages all about that one person.
I'm selfish, foolish, ambitiuos, incompetent, reckless, and idiotic. I'm pessimistic to myself and optimistic to everyone else.
That reason is because I dont want others to be like me.
The reason why I want to be a psychologist is so that I can find people like me to stop being like me because it will hurt them in the future. Always driving urself in pain.
Someone who have told me that I shouldn't give advice since i don't follow it, i find that insulting however, i'm not taken by that too much. Instead the reason why i can give those advice is because i don't want that person to feel the same way as me because they should be happy for themselves. The funny things is, I know all the things to make a person feel better about themselves and yet i can't do that for myself.
I can be couragous and yet foolishly couragous. I'm the kind of person who will save a person's life and end up saving the bad guy who's suppose to be dead.
I dislike the way I am. Even though i want to become a better person I can't do it myself.
In the end I guess i really do need someone to love me in order to become a better person.
Sadly i'm too damn picky about it... But, everyone have a dream love right?
When I choose someone, i guess they HAVE to be close to the dream love i wish to obtain.
The girl i'm looking for is: Optimistic, Loving, playful, cheerful, smart, comedic, thoughtful, always smiling, helpful, confident, and perhaps slightly perverse while being flirtatious :D
ofc that's just personality. However, in depth it doesn't always have to be like that.
The kind of girl im looking for is someone who always believe in something greatly and have full confidence in themselves. That girl is something I would admire. She also is willing to sacrifice anything and is always there. She would be the type to be helpful and to think ahead for a future. This girl should also be flitatious, but can also talk in deep conversation. I wish for this girl to be someone who I can share everything with and enjoy every last minute of it. I wish for this girl to have an innocent love and those kind are really hard to find. Innocent love means that the love is still pure and not tainted by the pains of others and thus making their love much more stronger than most and will be less likely to leave that person. But innocent love isn't really that neccessary, beside its only a wish. Lastly, I wish for this girl who happen to know how to cheer people up and be cute about it.
Anyways that's just the gist of it i can go on and on but no.
Perhaps I am desperate and after writing this down, more than likely i'll just move on and take things slowly and just let myself go. For the next girl that I may like. I hope she comes to me rather than having me come to her. Perhaps I really am trying too hard. But, i will change.

Lastly, when you have a lover, both party has to learn how to sacrifice to each other and willing to give up something in order to protect what they love. Whether u want to change ur personality or habits. As long as the person is willing to do it themselves for that person. It's fine. However forcing someone to change against someone's will is wrong.

8:30 AM

Wishing for you.

Have you felt this warm before?
Inside and out
Can you feel the warmth;
Coming from our touch?

All I wish, is for you to be with me
Laying on grass, watching the sky
Talking about our memories
Wishing our happy lives.
Holding on to each other

These are wishes that we both want
Knowing we will fall apart
I don't understand where I went wrong
But, that's fine knowing you'll still be there
All I want, is for you to be with me.

Walking together hand to hand
Enjoying life as the sun sets and rises
Embracing each others existence
Knowing that we will fall apart

Even though It could be a wonderful life
We were never together
You talk about your lover
Even though I'm just there, listening to you suffer.

All I wish, is for you to be with me.
So that you can be free
I know I may not be good enough,
I'm willing to work hard for you.

Hearing you feel so betrayed,
makes my heart hurt.
Loving you now,
so you may move on

Because all I wish is for you to be happy
Even though you may be with the wrong guy
I'll be the sky, watching as you go by.
So don't cry.
I'll be wishing for you a happy life.

2:39 PM

Painful Memories.

Rain, Rain go away come again another day...
Just like these memories that never goes away
I just end up cringing that way.
In a corner, locked away
Wishing that the days gone bye.

As I hope every day
That my life will get better some day.
I can't explain these horrible pain
In these memories I kept locked away.

In a corner, locked away
Thinking that I should go away
Disappear you foul memory
I dont' want to play today

All I can remember are pains of yestarday
I just want to go away
Why are you making me remember those days
I just want to go away

Memories memories go away
Don't come again another day
If you do
I will cringe.
In a corner crying all day.

9:40 PM